September 2011
I think I want to make a rain book.
It’ll have a nice soothing gray color on the outside, and I will have pictures of rainy places and thunderstorms and lightning and clouds and stuff.
Yeah. I think-I think imma do that. #scrapbookingbitches
Verily, I say unto thee:
The Beastie Boys suck.
My brother and I just sat and listened to a bunch of songs from Sister Act 1 & 2
To you: you know who you are.
Are your customers really that fucking stupid??
yes, i feel as though perhaps there is some sort of “Travel Book for Twats” going around and our hotel is at the top of the list for extended stays.
i’m honestly getting pretty annoyed with the fact that my boss feels the need to comment on my weight on a bimonthly basis.
i walked in today and he said “you were a little chunky before, and now you’re smaller. what happened? Did you stop eating?”
when I told him not to call me chunky he asked me for other words he could use instead, wherein he settled on “healthy”. i don’t think he got the point i was trying to make. reminding me of my constant fluxuation in weight isn’t exactly professional or PC. Not that I care about being PC, but I do care about tact. I know exactly how much I weigh at any given time and I am painfully aware when I start filling out. him calling me “chunky” doesn’t really help.
August 2011
i know i'm supposed to be on hiatus right now
But i have to tell you guys this. I was sitting on a chair in my yard reading a book and an ant bit my vagina. This is not a funny story i’m making up for your amusement. An ant bit my vagina.
I had to tell you. Obviously.
“From my rotting body, flowers shall grow, and I am in them, and that is eternity.”
—Edvard Munch (via thisisthehorrorshow)
The Informed Vegan: Search For Fugitive Cow Called Off. →
theinformedvegan.com
Yvonne, the cow who escaped slaughter and has been on the run since on May 24th, is finally free to roam.
Hunters who’ve exhaustively searched for the 6-year old cow for months have finally called off the search. Her trackers declared the little cow “as nimble as a weasel.” The…
- B: Sorry you have to work all day. I'll try to send out positive energy. Don't have much, but I'll try.
- Me: Send burgers instead.
- B: I would, but we get off at the same time. I'll send mental burgers.
- Me: Thanks you're a true friend,.
- Guest: I'm checking out, room 204.
- Me: Okay. Here's your receipt. May I have your keys please?
- Guest: ...uh....well, I'm still going in and out.
- Me: So you're not checked out.
- Guest: No. Do you want me to have all my stuff out before I check out?
- Me: Yes sir, that's what checked out means.
- Guest: Oh.
- Me: Please come back when you're actually out of the room.
- Guest: Fine, Christ. I never had to to this before anywhere else.
- Me: Sir....what exactly do you think "checking out" entails? When you "check out" it means you are gone from the room. What am I supposed to tell my housekeeper? "He's checked out but he's not checked out"?
- Guest: I'm going to call your manager tomorrow.
- Me: That's fine with me. I hope he will be able to explain to you the basics of staying in a hotel.
“I’ve got too much inbred Southern redneck hillbilly in me and aliens hunt people like me down and abduct us. It’s why I stay fat - I put more strain on the teleporters.”
—
How to Know When a Woman is Mad
LOL!!! The Lost Dog Flyer is HILARIOUS!!!! And that plane one HAS to be fake! HAHA!! Poor Scott Kelly…
this is how I spent my night.
- Guest: Our door isn't locking when we leave.
- Me: Okay, I'll send maintenance right down.
- Guest: But we want to leave.
- Me: Okay. Do you want the door lock fixed?
- Guest: Yes.
- Me: ...so...can I send a maintenance guy down to fix it?
- Guest: well, but we want to leave.
- Me: Okay. Do you not want him there while you're gone?
- Guest: No I don't want him in there when we're out.
- Me: ....Do you want him to fix the door right now or not?
- Guest: I think so. But we want to leave.