PISS ON YOU, WYATT

I’m so down for a mouthful of bhut jolokia.

I like that Disneyland presumes to know everybody’s budget, and furthermore that everybody’s budget can accommodate 93 dollars a day to hang out there.

NOW WITH PRICES THAT FIT YOUR BUDGET, atanaffordable93dollarsaday.

-weird looking polaroid pictures of girls with their heads cropped out standing dully in terrible, hideous clothes, aka fashion photography

-pictures of menstrual blood all over sheets. There is nothing wrong with freebleeding it but christ sleep on a towel you slob

-nicki minaj and her stupid-ass lyrics

-sunsets with obscure sentences starting with “and” in bad cursive

-open-toed ankle boots

-quotes about boys and how magical and life-changing they are

-“…when I’m skinny…”

-not being obsessed with Stevie Nicks or Joni Mitchell

-pictures of sick McDonald’s food

You don’t have to wear ten gallons of cologne. The best smells are warm, soap-scented skin and freshly washed cotton t-shirts.

…And exhaust fumes, but mostly the soap and the bleachy clean clothes.

When I think embarrassing things about people I feel like they can read my thoughts and I get squirmy and feel like a pervert. Even when they’re nowhere near me.

I’m going to be 23 in June and sex scenes in movies still make me uncomfortable.

extremely-irrelevant:

As an Evil Slytherin I’m feeling really oppressed and erased.

Hey guys! I wanted to make a post about a topic that some of us are squeamish about. I want to dispel any negative misconceptions about your personal defecation time. Obviously when you are on your Sacred Moontime and you shed the Sacred Life Blood from your Sacred Vagina, there are rituals you should practice to become closer to other women because all women menstruate and it’s a symbol of your Sacred connection with the Sacred Moon Goddess who is Sacred, so I wanted to talk about this as well!

When you defecate the Holy Feces, you should don a brown caftan and light a brown candle, whereupon you should meditate on your turds as a representation of the cycle of life. This is a special time! Embrace your poop! Take a small sample and bottle it to use in your next Sacred Crap Ritual. Ponder the cycle of life that you are taking part of as you squat over the Holy Porcelain Chalice. Be proud of your poop and learn to love and appreciate the pains of constipation. Pooping means you are a true human!

Respect your Sacred Anus and revel in your own special part of the Cycle of Life.

With my mouth.

I love you, I Love You Phillip Morris.