March 2012
9 tags
9 tags
Woman: Can I have birth control?
Government: No.
Woman: I got pregnant because I didn't have birth control and I don't want the fetus. Can I have an abortion?
Government: No.
Woman: I gave birth to my child but since I wasn't expecting it, I can't afford daycare. Can I have help paying for it?
Government: No.
Woman: Well, why can't I have birth control?
Government: Because. Sex isn't for recreation.
Woman: It can help regulate my period and benefit me in other ways.
Government: Too bad.
Man: For no reason other than for recreational sex, may I have birth control?
Government: Do you have a penis?
Man: YES, YES I DO!!
Government: WELL HOWDY, VALID CITIZEN. You can buy condoms by the dozens. Here, here's a pack of special condom for "His Pleasure." Oooh, these come in different colours and flavours. Here, try these. They have ribs on them. And this one glows in the dark!! LOL OMG DICK LIGHTSABER!!
Government: But seriously, you're a man. You can do what ever you want.
Woman: But-
Government: Shut up, you sinning, freeloading hussy.
Reblog if you're a down ass juggalo homie
piegrrrl:
melancholyredcurb:
WHOOP WHOOP
It’s true what you’ve heard about me.
titty shakes with silicon.
1 tag
1 tag
berthavelia replied to your post: berthavelia replied to your post: Thoughts for the…
MORE LIKE AN HOUR AGO. :’( its ok though because i ate taco bell so that filled the void in my stomach that you usually fill.
Yummy yummy yummy burf’s got love in her tummy
6 Types of Love
verbigerations:
Eros a passionate physical and emotional love based on aesthetic enjoyment; stereotype of romantic love
Ludus a love that is played as a game or sport; conquest; may have multiple partners at once
Storge an affectionate love that slowly develops from friendship, based on similarity
Pragma love that is driven by the head, not the heart
Mania obsessive love; experience great...
When someone talks back to the teacher. →
the-absolute-funniest-posts:
FOLLOW this blog, get free ham =D
1 tag
berthavelia replied to your post: Thoughts for the day
i miss u.
miss u more even though we texted like 5 mn ago.
Thoughts for the day
I really miss the days when my most pressing worry was how to get bigger hair.
I miss when I didn’t pay rent or cell phones or insurance or credit cards or anything like that, but I still worked so I had money to burn all the time.
I miss only working two days a week, for five hours a day.
I miss being able to legitimately excuse the fact that I spent like 45 minutes on my face every day...
ooh la la
I received lovely pink tulips today.
15 tags
1 tag
anuscloud replied to your post: It brings me endless joy seeing really terrible…
I think I love you.
It brings me endless joy seeing really terrible pictures of people I hate. I don’t feel the slightest bit guilty for taking time out of my day to point out every little flaw I see. Sometimes I make a list. It’s extremely cathartic.
I also gleefully take in any bad news pertaining to said people. “Aww, your BF banged your sister?” Sucks for you, life’s great over...
Me: I appreciate large posteriors. I cannot speak falsely about the subject. Various other kinfolk must concur that when a female-bodied person appears, possessing a diminutive midsection coupled with an ample backside, within one's viewing perimeter, one acquires an engorged nether-organ.
My sister: Huh?
Me: Take your time.
how to have a great sleepover
Wait til your friend falls asleep and braid all of their hair together in front of their face from the neck up like a permanent, hairy mask
1 tag
xminus1-deactivated20120425 asked: Did it hurt when you fell from heaven because have sex with me.
idliketobuyallyourchocolate:
did it hurt when you fell from heaven because have sex with me
February 2012
dear seanpf
Why do you keep unfollowing me?
So one time my oldest friend got married and I was the maid of honor. She’s a ver devout christian and on her gift list for the bridal shower she asked for modest, practical lingerie.
What the fuck is practical lingerie.
Anonymous asked: i actually miss eggs, A LOT. why ddo you think that is? is there some hormone/nutrient in eggs i'm lacking?
1 tag
xminus1 replied to your post: Oh my god i just finished book one of the hunger…
Are you asking why it took so long to read it? Or are you asking why you hadn’t read it sooner?
BOTH
1 tag
nameless-slob replied to your post: Oh my god i just finished book one of the hunger…
Your life has been meaningless up to this point. ;)
how have i survived this long
3 tags
