So sleepy. Gonna get like none hours of sleep tonight before I have to be back to work.

Whoever decided that it was legal to send their employees back to work after only 8 hours of being gone is a fucking moron. How am I supposed to sleep? I have to drive home, I have to drive back-there’s an hour gone. I have to take a shower and get dressed and eat something and pack a lunch for tomorrow because I don’t get lunch breaks.

And people expect their employees to show up bright-eyed and bushy-tailed and pleasant for the guests? Shit no!

The most obnoxious part is that tomorrow is the only day where I work in the mornings and get the whole rest of my day to do what I want with, and I never enjoy it because I’m fucking beat from not getting any goddamn sleep the night before.

And tomorrow is Assorial Day weekend so everybody on planet Earth is checking in and I bet they ALL want to arrive like 8 hours early because they don’t understand how hotels work and they’re idiots.

I sometimes think we shouldn’t use those plastic outlet covers for babies anymore. I think it’s things like that contribute to the massive array of dumbassery I see on a daily basis. Kids never get a chance to learn anything or be taught about the consequences of being stupid. Get zapped once and I guarantee you, you will never stick a fork into another electrical socket again for the rest of your life.

And if you do, well…natural selection, I guess.

I’M IN A BAD MOOD.

Some derpy dick just walked up the stairs with two girls, looked at the desk, picked up 3 newspapers and threw them all over. Then they laughed and walked away.

I don’t see what’s so funny about this. Maybe i’m old. I don’t get the joke.

So i said “hey, do you want those papers or are you going to put them back?”

He says “no, i’m not going to put them back” and keeps walking.

If he thinks this is rebellious and cool, then he is stunted. He does not look like a badass. He looks like a 6 year old. I can almost see his batman footie pajamas from here.

So i locked them out of their room. When he came back to say his keys don’t work, i just said “damn that sucks” and walked into my office.

They’re all shouting at me from the front desk right now.

THAT’S what i call funny.

Oh my god how long has the internet been around. If you can’t tell me what website you’re on, you have a problem.

When you are at a hotel, and you need a cab, guests do one of two things:

1) insist that the front desk call the cab company for them. Then they leave their room and wander around aimlessly. The cab arrives and harasses the front desk when their customer is nowhere to be found, and the desk clerk then has to call their room fruitlessly over and over hoping said customer will answer so the fucking cab driver will go the fuck away.

2) the guest will call the cab company for themselves on the house line. They do not provide their name or phone number. The cab arrives and harrasses the front desk when their customer is nowhere to be found, and the desk clerk then has to call every single fucking room in the hotel fruitlessly hoping someone will have called the cab so the cab driver will go the fuck away.

Please do not do any of these things. Ever. I hate you.

if you’re gonna smoke weed in your hotel room, knowing that it is, as of now, an illegal substance in the United States AND that you are in a non-smoking room, please have the intelligence to put a towel or something down in front of the crack in the door.

You are not fooling anyone, and when I’m trying to check in some old Southern Baptist couple here with their grandchildren and the stink of dead skunk comes wafting down the hallway it makes me look like an asshole.

Do what you want, but try to have some common fucking decency and consideration for other people.

This dude comes in and looks legit like a fucking hobo. Except he can’t be because there’s always people calling to make reservations for him from his office and stuff.

He’s a card-tosser, aka when I ask for his credit card/id he angrily yanks them out of his wallet and lobs them at me.

His new assistant is this super sweet woman who came in to book his room for him and she’s one of the nicest people I’ve ever met.

So they walk in and while she’s getting his cards out of his wallet he tugs them out of her hand and throws them on the counter at me. As I’m putting his information in, I hear him not three feet away from me say to her “Are you gonna stand there and fucking stare at me or are you going to get the luggage?!” she says nothing and just rushes down the stairs to get his shit.

So then he leaves to go to his room and she comes back looking harried as fuck because she can’t find his cell phone. Chick looks like she’s on the verge of tears. So we call the restaurant to see if they left it there and, luckily, they did. Or should I say HE did. In the bathroom.

When she takes too much time to get to the room he toddles down the hallway to start laying the proverbial smackdown on her and I know he’s a regular but I’m so fucking mad I can’t stand it.

I’m like “Hey Bretty! (his first name is Brett) You left your phone in the crapper at Harbour House. She’s nice enough to offer to pick it up for you, isn’t that sweet? Hey, next time you gotta take a dump at a restaurant make sure to secure all carry-ons, eh?!”

Never has a look of purer hatred been directed at me than what I received from Bretty. Idgaf, I’m forever giving him the shittiest rooms we have for all time until he stops coming here.

If the first thing you do is walk up to the desk blathering on your cell phone and grab a business card to rap instead of saying hello, i will ignore you.

If you do all these things and then your response to my “hello” is to bitch at me about not being let in from the street side, i will be the rudest motherfucker you have ever seen in your life.

We’re sold out forever and your shoes are hideous.

How come it’s okay to be rude to customer service?

There’s some rich asshole telling people to ask “is that the best you can do?” To everyone whenever you buy anything or use any service. He also readily admits he would never say that to his wife. Why? Presumably because it’s a RUDE thing to say.

But customer service? Fuck them, they’re not real people. They’re robots, and furthermore these robots made up the prices themselves simply to annoy me! They deserve rude comments like “is that the best you can do?”

It helps also to sigh irritably and sneer when you ask it. Really look at the customer service representative as though they were a steaming pile of crap under your shoe. Make it as rude and inhuman as you possibly can. “Is THAT the best you can do?!” Preface it with haughty “Um”s and finish them off with a loud, throaty scoffing noise as though you were choking on a golden, sapphire-encrusted dick.

Insult the people you’re trying to hawk a favor from. It always improves your odds.