How come you can be a rude fucking cuntrag to an employee while you’re berating them for not breaking laws that could both get them fired AND sent to jail and then have the audacity to call them a rude bitch and THEY’RE the ones who need an attitude adjustment?

Blame me for your stupid neice driving drunk because she can’t check in without a credit card or an ID? Are you fucking slow?! Maybe if she was a responsible adult she’d have figured out a way to pay for the fucking room, whaddya think?

Not in the mood to even consider tolerating this fuckery. “The Indian guy knows me”, she says. Because a) that makes everything different, b) there aren’t 7 Indian guys working the front desk at my job, and c) I’m pretty sure she’s talking about my boss and he’s from fucking BANGLADESH.

Overrr it.

There’s a boy here who’s been standing at the desk for like 2 hours chatting me up and I swear to god I’m not terribly shallow, but if you’re in a ratty old poncho and Birkenstocks telling me your life goal is to be a professional stuntman while you peel an orange at my desk, we’re probably not meant to be.

And if you’re all of those things and then tell me you’re 22 years old, you might as well just go back to your room right now.

I feel like such a bitch right but he’s literally been here since 8pm. Make it stop.

So last week, this guy whipped his dick out and peed about 10 gallons of urine out in my parking lot and all over some guests’ cars in broad daylight.

I’ve seen him before. He comes into the parking lot and uses the outlets to charge his CD player. Dude is certified crazy.

Apparently, this morning he was laying on his back in the stairwell next to someone’s room and violently masturbating, aka dramatic pelvic thrusts and loud grunting.

Nobody thought to tell me until now. My staff just gathered around and watched like he was a fucking HBO special.

A man and his wife checked in about a hour ago. I just saw him run frantically down the stairs and drop to his knees in front of my desk. He was crawling around looking for something and muttering.

His wife stumped down the stairs after him like a pissed off turkey, and suddenly he leapt up and yelled “It’s okay, it’s okay. I found it. Maybe I shouldn’t take my wedding ring off anymore!”

She stared at him for about two seconds before shouting like Galadriel after the One Ring: “THAT’S KIND OF THE POINT, YOU ASSHOLE.”

I feel for you, bro-but she does have a compelling argument.

I like to touch people. A lot. I do it unconsciously most of the time. I know a lot of people don’t like to be touched, and even if they do I’m sure it gets grabby and obnoxious after a while.

Whenever I’m around people, I spend a lot of my time consciously making sure I don’t get too close or too touchy, because I can’t differentiate between what’s invited and what’s excessive.

Personally, I am most comfortable being in constant physical contact with whomever I’m with. Not even romantically-even platonic friends whom I have no interest in whatsoever, or family members. Not sure why. Just like to touch and be touched.

WELL.

I was having a conversation with a regular today at work, chatting it up, having a laugh-and I didn’t mean to, but I reached out and touched his arm while I was talking…and he flinched like I zapped him with a cattle prod and looked at me like I was a rapist.

All I could say was “Oh, I’m sorry! It was just a subconscious thing, I was emphasizing my point.” He was nice about it, but I could tell he was totally wigging out.

Awk.

The owner of the hotel I work at just recently decided to up the rates of all the rooms, AND that we can’t give any discounts on ocean view rooms.

No AAA, no senior discount, no military discount, no nothing. He thinks this will bring in more revenue. It is clear that he does not understand customers at all, because this hotel is a shithole and I’ve been losing out on reservations all day because nobody wants it at that price.

He even had a consultant come in and show us how to answer phones more effectively to get people to commit to a reservation, so we can get more revenue. Guaranteed, he is now making a lot less than he was previously even with the new sales tactics.

Stupid, stupid, stupid.

Letting your child stand in the hallway of a hotel, spitting distance from 12 other rooms, and blow a whistle repeatedly whilst you watch him in silence.

Many fine lessons are learned from this simple act!

1. The entire world revolves around me and my whims. Everybody else needs to accommodate me.

2. Other people don’t matter. They may as well not exist unless they’re serving me in some way.

3. I am allowed to be really fucking loud and annoying and do whatever I want and my parents aren’t going to stop me.

4. There is no such thing as proper conduct.

5. Fuck you.

I’m sure with stellar parenting like that, this kid’s going to grow up totally well-adjusted, empathetic, and generous. Can’t wait to see how America’s newest generation will turn out.

This couple came to the desk, right?

They were both wearing matching off-white slacks and blue polo shirts with some random yacht club’s logo on the chest. Their last name is French and full of letters you’re not supposed to pronounce.

Already stereotypical rich white people, and then the husband said “Lovely radio station you’re listening to” and hooked his thumbs in his armpits in a jaunty fashion. The wife goes “Yes, it sounds like what were listening to in the car!”

It’s a classical station, playing very dull, emotionless, poopy poop sounds.

It was like…I was expecting him to whip out an ascot and say “I think I’ll go and count the money whilst you sunbathe on the veranda, dahling.”

I’m a big bitch. :(

Today an employee of the company came in to say hi to me, and we were talking about sleep and how there never seems to be enough of it. He said he took a vacation for two weeks and slept almost the entire time except to use the restroom and eat, and how he still felt tired afterwards.

I couldn’t think of anything else to say, so I just said “I guess we’ll have plenty of time time to sleep when we’re dead” and he just said “Yeaah, okay! Gotta go! Nice talking to you!” and took off.

Oops. Haha.

A man I checked in said “Please tell me you do the whole 50s thing on a regular basis”.

I think it was meant to be a compliment, but i didn’t know what to say because I have no idea what he’s talking about, or where he got the idea that I did “the 50s thing”, because I don’t. 

I do the “It’s 2013 and I don’t want to take a shower” thing. I’m wearing ill-fitting Target clothes and I haven’t washed my hair in two days. 

Thanks for the (I think) compliment? All I could think to say was “Eheh” and the entire situation just stayed awkward for the rest of the time he stood at the desk.

“The 50s thing”, he says.